Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize