Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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