im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
