yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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