I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
