Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
