You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
