very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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