If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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