What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize