i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
