I love black thongs
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
