make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
