I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
