You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
