I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize