you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
