I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
