some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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