were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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