I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
