I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
