I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
