So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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