yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize