remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
