My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
