I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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