so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
