3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
