i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
