What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
