Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize