You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
