so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
