I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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