I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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