So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
