Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
