WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
