i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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