I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
