Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
