How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
