I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
