Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
