i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
