she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
