@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Randomize
