Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
handjob tips. give me some.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
