i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize