my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Text me some of your sweat
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
