I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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