Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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