is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
