as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
And then my night got REAL pukey
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
