Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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