You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
