my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
