I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Is Oprah even human
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
