just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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