Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tornado booty call.. dedication
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
