If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
