dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
