i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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