areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
