do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
