He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
