maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
