awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
