textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
