id be glad to
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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