so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize