hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
