I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
