She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
