Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize