I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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