Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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