I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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