so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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