Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
