i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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