it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
