cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm just crazy horny about you
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
