Who wears a wallet chain?!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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