Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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