I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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