So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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