Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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