SEEEEXXX PLEASE
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
