I just made out with a guy for $7.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
