hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
