yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
