Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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