franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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