I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize