Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
its liver damage thursday
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
