WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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