I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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