i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
