I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
