Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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