he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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