At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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