so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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