Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
we're making bets on your personal life
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
